Well, we have undoubtedly a plump, juicy year full of certified, blue-ribbon A-Holes! So let’s start with the festivities and an early countdown for the semester:
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Arnoldo Suáreznegrete screwed it up the big time; he sired an illegitimate child and didn’t fess it up immediately to his wife, Maria Shriver. In the meanwhile, he continued his movie career and became governor of California. His tenure betrayed the same lack of integrity, leaving the Golden State in worse shape than he received it. His projects to revitalise his career went belly up with the uproar the scandal generated. Now a “Terminator 5” is put on hold, and a comic book super heroe about a “Family Values Man” that saves the planet in the guise of “The Governator” is completely abandoned. Way to go, Ahnold!
Lars Von Trier: a beloved artsy filmmaker in the exclusive Cannes clique, decides to promote his new flick “Melancholia” by declaring his admiration for Hitler and then expelled from the Festival by being declared persona non grata. I’m sure Von Trier must think at least something turned ok for him: he must be earning a nice entry on Metapedia!
Charlie Sheen: his transition from highest paid tv-actor to Trivia Pursuit material is running as smooth as expected. His “Violent Torpedo of Truth” One-Man-Show tour is in full decline and Chuck Lorre Productions hired a replacement for the Two and a Half Men Sitcom: Ashton Kutcher. Disgust disguised as good-luck wishes betrays the fact that the most viewed episode of the series will be the first featuring Ashton, even if the sitcom gets cancelled in the same season. #Winning Trifecta!
Dominique Strauss-Kahn: the epitome of the french nouveau ancien regime. A former communist turned socialist that likes to spend the night in US$ 3.000 a night hotel rooms. As head of the IMF, is the key holder of the world casino – normal rules do not apply to him. So the Great Seducer (no kidding, he was known that way) allegedly attempted to rape an african maid and then flee to France for cover, à la Roman Polanski. He must be facing the worst destiny he ever feared: a fair trial.
Masataka Shimizu: less known but not less deserving of this scorn-a-thon. The president of Tepco made through negligence and immoral cheapness the Fukushima Disaster possible. I do not recommend seppuku, but jail time could be an option for his evil deeds and not facing the music.
Newt Gringrich: the textbook case on how not to run for president of the United States. Chapter 1: Why attacking fellow GOPers alienates followers. Chapter 3: Why having a half-a-million dollars jewelry store unpaid bill is a nightmarish decision. Chapter 7: Why reversing oneself on early declarations qualifies you as the John Kerry of the right.
Michael Moore: I thought of him writing a book called “How to be a Socialist with Other People’s Money while keeping an eye on yours”, but the title is too long to be deemed “commercial”. I’ll repeat it: He’s a stupid white man. Can’t wait so see him teaming up with Olbermann. Greatest comedy couple ever!
Keith Olbermann/Al Gore: to complete the losers all-stars team at Current TV, Al Gore hired and offered ownership of a worthless tv network to someone fired from a failed cable news outlet with an extremely bad rep with his co-workers. This is the guy that wants to save us from global warming and this is the way he does business.
- TV FIGHT: Al Gore And Rupert Murdoch Will Not Be Kissing And Making Up Anytime Soon (businessinsider.com)
- Al Gore Accuses Rupert Murdoch Of Pushing Current Off Italian TV For Hiring Keith Olbermann (mediaite.com)
- Lars von Trier: ‘Kirsten Dunst Wants to Do Porn.’ Also, Something About Nazis. (thesuperficial.com)
- Malick is exalted, Von Trier is cast out (guardian.co.uk)
- Cannes Day 7: Von Trier Courts Disaster (observer.com)
- Lars Von Trier LIKES Being Persona Non Grata, Digs Deeper Hole With Hitler Comments (perezhilton.com)
- OK, Lars Von Trier Is A Nazi! (dlisted.com)
- Director Lars von Trier Apologizes for Hitler Comments (justjared.buzznet.com)
- “Arnold Schwarzenegger Halts Commitments To CRY MACHO & TERMINATOR 5” and related posts (obsessedwithfilm.com)
- Schwarzenegger puts acting career on hold (abclocal.go.com)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger Puts ‘Terminator,’ ‘Cry Macho’ And Movie Career On Hold Amidst Scandal (moviesblog.mtv.com)
- Maria Shriver Issues A Statement About Schwarzenegger’s Infidelity (pinkisthenewblog.com)